Five years ago, right before I gave birth to my daughter, I had the full intention of going back to work after my 12 weeks of maternity leave.
Then she was born, and I couldn't go to the bathroom in the hospital without wheeling her crib thingy into the bathroom with me. Those first twelve weeks passed in a blur or sleeplessness, total fear, depression, anxiety, and lots of bodily fluids flying around. Layered beneath, and perhaps fueling all these feelings, was this gargantuan love that I felt for this teeny weeny, helpless baby. I couldn't even really go there and try to measure the love. It was too scary. And when I thought about going back to work, I couldn't really go there either. It gave me such a sick feeling in my stomach, made the back of my neck sweat. It was like a primal response. There was NO WAY I could leave this baby in someone else's care. Life at home was weird and scary and hard, but I would choose that any day over the pain of leaving her.
But what about my ideals? I went to college! I had a career! I finally had a job I really liked. I wasn't going to give all that up for a mere baby. How boring. How 1957.
Right before the 12 week mark and my pending return to work, we flew to Florida to visit my husband's parents. On the way home, the panic started to really set in about returning to work. If you've ever walked through an airport with a newborn, you know how every woman you pass has to stop and oogle at the baby.
Here's my chance I thought - I'll take a survey of all these moms.
"So, I'm trying to decide - did you go back to work or stay home with your kids?"
The response was amazing. Every woman I asked was so willing to talk to me about it. All the women who had returned to work said things like,
"It's really hard, but you can do it."
"It stinks, but you'll make it through."
"You'll feel guilty, but eventually it will get better. It's fine."
The women who had chosen to stay home said things like,
"It was the best decision I ever made."
"I don't regret it."
"They were the best years of my life."
Everyone is different and has different needs, but for me, this little science experiment in the airport sealed my decision (I think I had already made up my mind anyway). I quit my job the next day . It was the best decision I ever made. I don't regret it.
What did you go through in deciding to go back to work or not?
Chatboard (1)